Be a man
Its ok to not be ok, this is what we need in western culture, not the ‘your a man so be a man’ attitude that we have. I feel is a phase we as men don’t use anywhere near as often as we should. As a man your expected to provide for your family. Be the bread winner, you need to be a pillar of strength and not show emotion except anger. Yes anger is ok (it’s not by the way)… All of this is out dated as “a woman should stay at home and clean and cook”. Which I feel is also utter rubbish.
Things we are taught
There are numerous studies that have been conducted in to the health and well being of men being brought up with the ethos of, be brave and strong. Be successful and go it alone. We are taught not to show emotion except anger. The problem with this is that Anger then becomes the only outlet for expression and if left uncontrolled leads to anger management issues. Which you are then told you are not allowed to be angry and where does that leave you?
Breaking the bad habits
In General expectations of men are to be;
- Sexually experienced
Not to mention you have to be;
- Successful in the flash the cash and have the best car car to pull the girls kind of successful
- Having the know how to deal with tough situations
- Able to go it alone and not ask for help
We are taught these bad habits from. an early age and its these habits we need to break.
There no Blame
By no means am I blaming our fathers. Our fathers and their fathers before them were also brought with the emphasis of you need to be a man. It’s the expectation of society as a whole. Which is in order to be a man you need to pass on these traits to your son so he too can be a man. With all this in mind there no wonder why it’s harder for us to open up. It’s a cultural thing and it’s also the reason that so many men take their own lives.
in 2017 Suicide rates in men was at 15.5 men in the UK per 100,000 and in the USA a man takes his own life every 20 minutes. These numbers are way too high and we all need to help each other.
So where do we start? We start by looking out for each other. By asking your mate if he’s OK and letting them know that’s its OK to not be OK. By standing together as men and looking after each other. we are men after all and if there is anything to stand up to its this. Be there if a man goes down be there to help pick him up dust him off and get him back on his feet. By doing this we are being brave strong and successful . Its ok to not be ok.
We can also do this by raising our sons a different way. We can raise them in a way that lets them know that being brave and strong is to talk about your feelings. That talking about problems and issue is ok and that finding success isn’t about flashing the cash its about being happy and healthy.
Its ok to not be ok
If you notice something change in your mates, it could be little things. They are drinking a bit more than they usually do. They are being a bit more quiet that usual. That they are not picking up the phone as much or even they are skipping a few gym sessions. Ask them the question, are you OK. Or if you know something is wrong a simple ‘I’m here if you want to chat’ can be all the this is needed for them to open up a little. It’s time to change, it’s time to look out for your mates. You would help your mate out if he was knocked down so why not help him if he’s feeling down. It’s time to change, its time to look out out for your mates because we need to look out for each other.
If its you that isn’t feeling great, reach out, A simple I’m not Ok to mate will make all the difference.
Or follow the link below. I’m not going to tell you it will be hard to do I’m not going to tell you it will be easy to do. Only you know that. What I do know is that you are not alone and it is is OK to not be OK.